Adjusting to Life in the States

Reentry back into America over the last two weeks has been a mix of emotions.  It’s been indescribably sweet to see my family, joyful and strange in some ways to interact with others, and, at times, even difficult to process what I’m feeling.  

Between the fast pace of life in America, the vast conversational differences, the overwhelmingly many choices, and occasionally feeling out-of-place in social and one-on-one settings—it has been easy to find myself missing my season (of new normalcy) with Jesus and my friends on the field. 

How I love my family, my friends, and my country!  I’m so joyful to be back on U.S. soil, reunited with old friends and loving on my sweet family in-person.  What a gift from Jesus this season is!

At the same time, it’s quite an adjustment after living life so differently for nearly a whole year. 

I don’t think people are used to my crying yet.  I cry a lot.  I cry when I feel sad, yes—but I also cry when I feel joyful and when I feel the overwhelming presence of Jesus.  I’ve cried in front of every person I’ve had the sweet gift of seeing thus far since returning home.  I love that the Lord has opened up this side of my heart and kept it open—that I would fully embrace the emotional joy he has given me! 

Thank you, Jesus.  

As I was sitting with the Lord last week, I was sharing my heart with him, expressing that I was feeling a little out of place here.  I told him I missed ministry and the pace of life I’ve lived in with him this year; and I deeply missed my home on the field and my friends on the Race.

He told me to read John 16.

John 16 was filled with content I desperately needed to read.  

Thank you, Jesus.

The specific verse that Jesus most highlighted for me brought me to tears yet again.  It was as if I was reading a verse written from my own heart in this season:

“A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone.  Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.” -John 16:32

Needless to say, I was weeping.  

Yes, my squad is all scattered, each to our own homes.

We feel “all alone” in many ways.

Yet, we are not alone, for our Father is with us. 

Then, Jesus impressed upon my heart his sweet message—one he has repeated to me all year:

Victoria, I am with you. 

Over the course of the last 11 months, every time I’ve felt scared, anxious, confused, uncertain, or upset—Jesus has said this to me:

I am with you. 

And today—

I am with you.

Though we live in an ever changing world, we serve a never-changing God.

It is comforting to know this simple fact: 

Jesus is our comforter.

As I’ve been processing my emotions and adjusting back to life in the States, Jesus has continued to ask me to find my comfort in Him.  

All my hope is in Jesus. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

King Jesus, our Lord, our Savior, our Father, our friend—you are our peace and comfort.  You are the constant in our lives when there is no consistency.  Lord, you are good.  Even when we walk through the darkest valleys, I pray that we will not fear, for you are with us.  May we rest in your love.  May we surrender our fears to you, that we would receive your love and perfect peace.  Thank you, Jesus, that we never have to do this life alone.  

Wahamba Nathi.  (He walks with us.)

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,  he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.  Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” -Psalm 23