"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." -Philippians 2:3-4

Y'all, I can't begin to tell you how glaringly obvious my own selfishness and self-centeredness has become to me.

No, it isn't even directly related to ministry, per say. 

It's a combination of the following: 

• Living life in community with my own selfish preferences on the constant forefront of my own heart

• Serving others, both within and outside of my team (or lack thereof)

• Sitting in the presence of the Father, realizing my thoughts and actions are all-encompassing of me, me, me about 90% of the time

Even in my prayers, I'm constantly consumed with me.

"Lord, what do you want for me?" 

"Jesus, what do you say of me?"

"God, help me."

I am so selfish. 

Yes, I love Jesus.  Yes, I love his people.  

But I've come to the realization that most days, I've loved me more.

Even though I've shared this with my own team, writing this for you all is what the Lord is calling me to do as my next step in accountability.

Please hold me accountable.

The truth: We are nothing apart from God.

I want to love God first and esteem others in a higher regard above myself. 

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." -Galatians 5:13

Would I lay down my life for someone else?

I'd like to say yes. 

But, am I willing to give up my own preferences and requests for the sake of pleasing someone else? 

For me, most days, that is a hard no. 

This is utterly backwards; how could I possibly give my life for someone else when I'm not even willing to set aside my own selfish desires to serve that individual first? 

"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’" -Acts 20:35

How can I better serve my team and squad today? 

How can I better love my family today? 

How can I put strangers above myself in service and love? 

How can I pray for my friends? 

Lord, I am selfish, but your grace is big.  Thank you, Jesus, for your immense grace and your gentle correction.  Lord, I want to be obedient and serve others above myself.  I want to love others better.  Please reveal your will to me in this, and give me the power to be obedient to whatever You ask of me.  

So the question at-hand: 

Are you as selfish and self-centered as I am? 

If you are, know this: God's grace is vast and never-ending.  He loves you and doesn't condemn you for this.  He is patient, and he is kind—much kinder than we deserve.  

But let these words permeate your hearts:

We can live meaningful lives when we look beyond ourselves. 

We can share God's love and Truth with the world when we are humbled enough to put others before ourselves like Jesus did. 

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." -Mark 10:25